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From the time we see that little piece of rice on the ultrasound screen our hearts fill with love for the life that is about to come into this world.
Then the day comes and you get to meet your sweet bundle of joy, and then the fun begins. Pulling all nighters and changing diapers that test your stomach and your ability to hold your lunch in.
Next comes the toilet training, the famous NO word used 100 times a day, and the not so occasional temper tantrum in the middle of your friendly Walmart.
You get out of the tantrum phase and you find yourself in the world of education and then the teen years.
There's a good chance that somewhere along the way you will look at those darling little children and have thoughts like “where did you come from?” or “whose kid are you?”.
When the struggles of parenting become overwhelming and you feel like you have done the worst job ever, remember this is normal and you will survive.
Parents believe that they should never have negative feelings toward their child and when it does happen they take on a lot of guilt about it. STOP!!!!
When the struggles of parenting become overwhelming and you feel like you have done the worst job ever, remember this is normal and you will survive.
It's normal to not like the very child you gave birth to!
It's OK. You are not alone! Most parents have those same thoughts.
I can remember telling my oldest daughter “I love you but I do not like you right now.”
She was 16 at the time and pushing every button she could to feel her independence. I was sure I was going to lose my mind and I think I did. Parents have those moments of dismay. Again It's okay.
Parenting is not about always being perfect, it's about mistakes and failures. It's living and learning, loving and forgiving, joy and pain.
Parenting is hard. In her article Why Parenting Has Gotten More Difficult, Anna Sutherland of the Institute for Family studies gives some of her thoughts?
“My second theory about why raising kids seems so hard today is the proliferation of parenting philosophies, health guidelines, educational options, and more. Being a parent today doesn't mean having a baby and raising him or her to become a reasonably healthy, literate adult. From the positive pregnancy test onward, it means navigating a dizzying array of contradictory advice on everything: what to eat and avoid during pregnancy, what painkillers (if any) to accept during childbirth, whether to let your infant cry himself to sleep, how to potty-train her, at what age he should enter kindergarten, whether and how to pass on your religious faith to her, at what age he can stay home alone, how much time she should spend watching TV, exercising, reading. "
I do not think anyone will argue that raising children is the hardest job you will ever have.
Parenting is difficult.
You are not alone! Most parents have those same thoughts.
The good news is that it's the best job you’ll ever have, mistakes are acceptable, and there's no one way to do it right.
Here are some ideas to help you manage your anxiety so that you do not pull all your hair out.
You are IMPORTANT!
Yes you!
1. Take time for yourself. No matter how the world makes you feel, you are worth taking time for yourself. This does not have to look like a weekend vacation or an hour of mediation. It can be
Five minute of quiet time before bed
Falling asleep to soft meditation music
Going for a walk
Painting your nails
Going on a date with your significant other
Eating ice cream
Enjoying your favorite hobby
You want to be there to see your child’s high school graduation, college graduation, wedding, and all the future plans your child has.
2. You do not have to make every decision in your home. Spread the decision-making out among the family members. Have family time to talk about decisions and let the family weigh in. There're important decisions that you will have to make but you can let the other family members help with the less important decisions such as what’s for dinner, what color to paint their room, or what they are going to wear.
3. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with your children.
4. Allow yourself to lean on your village. No matter the size of your village it's important that you learn to let them help you.
5. Ask them questions and take the time to listen to their advice. Weigh their opinions and advice and see whether it's good for you and your family. Think of your village as your safety net where you can land to feel safe and supported.
Please take care of yourself. You are important. Perfection is not the goal. It's not about being perfect it's all about learning from the mistakes that you do make.
Sometimes what we think is a mistake ends up being one of the best learning experiences for the entire family.
The bottom line is you are okay and you can do this with the help of your village.
Thank you for the privilege being a part of your day.
Cheryl
Cheryl Gilbert is a LMFT in the state of Kentucky. To find out all about her click here.
Live. Life. Balanced.Today is a blog written by licensed marriage and family therapists.
For more information about counseling go to www.LifeInMotionKentucky.com
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